When you decide your life is your own

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”
– Bob Moawad

When you choose to uphold your independence, you begin to live a different life. You begin to feel more powerful as you make decisions on your behalf for your own welfare. You enjoy your own presence, look forward to alone time, and possibly prefer it most nights. You do whatever you want without supervision and craft your own life.

Independence includes externally from parents, partners, and toxic relationships. It also means internally from your inner demons.

Once you own your worth, you become free to live to the fullest at the highest frequency.

Art is letting out your inner child

Art is not meant to be filtered, unless you’re editing.
However, many people don’t get that far.
Their inner critic hinders their creativity so they don’t create at all.

When I create, I think of a quote by Ernest Hemingway.

Write drunk. Edit sober.

Tapping into your creativity is you allowing yourself to be a child again, allow yourself to play and throw colors on the canvas. Children often don’t have a filter. They are simply free to be.

Allow yourself to be that child. Worry about filtering when it’s time to clean and polish.

Yas woman because why not

Within my friends groups, I’m notorious for getting into crazy situations. The reason is, I am a yas woman. If I get into a situation where I must choose to stay or go, I choose go as much as possible (that is, if my intuition tells me I am not in danger).

Saying yes has led to stand-up paddle boarding in the San Francisco Bay, cooking delicious meals with a stranger, grabbing dessert with a “boss ass bitch”, endless nights of dancing, multiple concerts, tours at amazing companies, unbelievable sunset views, and so much more.

Today’s example: I was running through Lake Merritt after my MLK volunteer event and ran into Anthony and his old coworker Nathan. Ant invited me to eat pho for dinner later that night. I gladly accepted the invitation. After dinner, the three of us went to (my first) comedy event at a bar I’ve been meaning to try. I laughed for two hours straight. The lineup was stellar, and the venue was extremely hip. Now, I am exhausted and do not want to talk to anyone, but I am so happy I went. I will definitely come back for Monday night comedy.

Say yes, because why not. 

Many of my most memorable moments stemmed from moments of spontaneity.

How could it not when you’re open to what the world has to offer?

 

Success without challenge is mediocrity

If you know me, you know I love food. I love watching food. I even wrote an ode to chefs.

When I tell people I spend my free time watching food documentaries, they next ask me, “Do you cook?” I answer, “Yeah, I’m getting into it. It’s a work in progress.” Then they ask, “Oh, what do you cook?” This is when I get sheepish. I scan my mind for the most complicated dish I made in the past few weeks and say, “Oatmeal and fish.” (This raises questions because it’s so peculiar. It’s actually extremely delicious when I add all my fixings.) In actuality, my go-to meal is the classic sunny-side up egg and bread. However, since it isn’t complex, I find myself feeling too ashamed to even mention it.

Sunny-side up eggs and bread is the breakfast of my childhood. I dress my eggs with different ingredients depending on my mood for the day: soy sauce, pate, pepper, red chili flakes, harissa, chives, spinach, etc. I also experiment with different types of bread: Vietnamese baguette, french baguette, wheat, rye, etc. It is extremely delicious, equally satisfying, and ultimately, very simple.

Today, I realized, there is nothing shameful about having eggs and bread as your favorite dish. Moreover, there is nothing shameful about saying that you are a beginner. That you are just starting off. That you are not entirely knowledgeable (yet). Or even that you are a highly skilled cook yet your favorite meal is the most elementary food.

There is a vengeance to obtain from knowing you are mediocre at something, great excitement in knowing that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and undeniable humility is admitting you love the simplest things. 

After all, great cooking begins with the egg.

Similarly, being in a state of uncertainty is not shameful. Whether you are unemployed, recovering from an addiction, going through a divorce, or “failing at life” (for the record, if you are trying, you are not failing), own it. There are crest and troughs. There are mountain and valleys. There are great moments and terrible moments.

You are human. It is normal.

What you make of the troughs is, however, should not be taken with mercy. These challenges are tests of your mental toughness. Push. Act. Rise. Be the contender and tap into your inner strength.

Success without challenge is mediocrity.

Passion gives life life

When I have free time, I spend it feasting my eyes on food. Food documentaries, food shows, food Youtube videos. Today I watched a food movie starring Bradley Cooper called Burnt (highly recommended).

The reason is, I am deeply in love with chefs.

Chefs have a passion that goes beyond the need for comfort or stability. In order to be a chef, you have to put in copious amounts of work for a glimmer of hope that you will become Someone or cook in the kitchen of a world-renowned chef. Chefs get paid minimum wage for decades, working almost double (or triple) time compared to 9-to-5 employees, standing on their feet all day, only to be abusively screamed and tormented for the tiniest mistakes.

Does this turn some away from the culinary world? Probably. That’s where the feeble or disconcerted get weeded out. Only the most resilient, most hungry, most passionate, and possibly most arrogant chefs persevere and rise to stardom. (After all, don’t you need arrogance to curse off the critics?) It’s only then, after such grueling experiences, when chefs reap the rewards, make money, earn awards, and now – thanks to Netflix – become rockstars.

The very nature of the industry is cut-throat competitive and driven by passion; and that is what makes it so alluring.

People love the eager, the enthusiastic, the fervent, and the remarkable.

Psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel talks about this idea in her TED talk. For her book Mating in Captivity, she asks people, “When do you find yourself most drawn to your partner? Not attracted sexually, per se, but most drawn.”

The first group responds: “when she is away, when we are apart, when we reunite”

I’m more interested in the second group’s response:

“[…] when I see him in the studio, when she is onstage, when he is in his element, when she’s doing something she’s passionate about, when I see him at a party and other people are really drawn to him, when I see her hold court. Basically, when I look at my partner radiant and confident. Probably the biggest turn-on across the board. Radiant, as in self-sustaining.”

If you want to boost your attraction, feed your passion.

People naturally gravitate towards those who love what they do, as they are full of life.

Passion gives life life.

Keep the most important thing, the most important thing. | Note To Self

It’s easy to forget our goals.

In the age of social media, we often gravitate towards tasks that will give us the most attention. Why? Immediate gratification. It fuels us with external validation. Dopamine hits are addicting, but does building a fancy website or posting on Instagram every day further our goal of becoming a better _____?

I often have to remind myself of this:

Stay focused and put in your reps. 

Want to be a better writer? Write every day.
A better speaker? Practice speaking every day.
A better photographer? Take photos every single day.

Whatever your craft is, improve it every single day. Consistency is key to exponential growth.

Though marketing is crucial to building any business, the quality of your craft is what will keep your audience engaged long-term. How beneficial is it to build an audience when you have only completed pieces of the prototype? When it’s time to market, you’ll market.

Fixating on publicity will not enhance the quality of your work.

Keep the most important thing, the most important thing.

Related reads:
Continuous Improvement: How It Works and How to Master It
The 1 Percent Rule: Why a Few People Get Most of the Rewards