Reciprocate, pay it forward

Reciprocate.

If someone treats you out, does you a favor, or gives up their precious time to help you problem-solve, do it back. If you want to be less overt, then reciprocate the next time you meet with them. Or surprise them with their favorite snack, flowers, or tickets to a sweet show. When someone pays it forward to you, you can either continue spreading the positive energy or let it die with your taking.

You’d be surprised how great you feel after showing your appreciation.

Make it a habit and you will be surprised at how often life works in your favor.

Success without challenge is mediocrity

If you know me, you know I love food. I love watching food. I even wrote an ode to chefs.

When I tell people I spend my free time watching food documentaries, they next ask me, “Do you cook?” I answer, “Yeah, I’m getting into it. It’s a work in progress.” Then they ask, “Oh, what do you cook?” This is when I get sheepish. I scan my mind for the most complicated dish I made in the past few weeks and say, “Oatmeal and fish.” (This raises questions because it’s so peculiar. It’s actually extremely delicious when I add all my fixings.) In actuality, my go-to meal is the classic sunny-side up egg and bread. However, since it isn’t complex, I find myself feeling too ashamed to even mention it.

Sunny-side up eggs and bread is the breakfast of my childhood. I dress my eggs with different ingredients depending on my mood for the day: soy sauce, pate, pepper, red chili flakes, harissa, chives, spinach, etc. I also experiment with different types of bread: Vietnamese baguette, french baguette, wheat, rye, etc. It is extremely delicious, equally satisfying, and ultimately, very simple.

Today, I realized, there is nothing shameful about having eggs and bread as your favorite dish. Moreover, there is nothing shameful about saying that you are a beginner. That you are just starting off. That you are not entirely knowledgeable (yet). Or even that you are a highly skilled cook yet your favorite meal is the most elementary food.

There is a vengeance to obtain from knowing you are mediocre at something, great excitement in knowing that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and undeniable humility is admitting you love the simplest things. 

After all, great cooking begins with the egg.

Similarly, being in a state of uncertainty is not shameful. Whether you are unemployed, recovering from an addiction, going through a divorce, or “failing at life” (for the record, if you are trying, you are not failing), own it. There are crest and troughs. There are mountain and valleys. There are great moments and terrible moments.

You are human. It is normal.

What you make of the troughs is, however, should not be taken with mercy. These challenges are tests of your mental toughness. Push. Act. Rise. Be the contender and tap into your inner strength.

Success without challenge is mediocrity.

Passion gives life life

When I have free time, I spend it feasting my eyes on food. Food documentaries, food shows, food Youtube videos. Today I watched a food movie starring Bradley Cooper called Burnt (highly recommended).

The reason is, I am deeply in love with chefs.

Chefs have a passion that goes beyond the need for comfort or stability. In order to be a chef, you have to put in copious amounts of work for a glimmer of hope that you will become Someone or cook in the kitchen of a world-renowned chef. Chefs get paid minimum wage for decades, working almost double (or triple) time compared to 9-to-5 employees, standing on their feet all day, only to be abusively screamed and tormented for the tiniest mistakes.

Does this turn some away from the culinary world? Probably. That’s where the feeble or disconcerted get weeded out. Only the most resilient, most hungry, most passionate, and possibly most arrogant chefs persevere and rise to stardom. (After all, don’t you need arrogance to curse off the critics?) It’s only then, after such grueling experiences, when chefs reap the rewards, make money, earn awards, and now – thanks to Netflix – become rockstars.

The very nature of the industry is cut-throat competitive and driven by passion; and that is what makes it so alluring.

People love the eager, the enthusiastic, the fervent, and the remarkable.

Psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel talks about this idea in her TED talk. For her book Mating in Captivity, she asks people, “When do you find yourself most drawn to your partner? Not attracted sexually, per se, but most drawn.”

The first group responds: “when she is away, when we are apart, when we reunite”

I’m more interested in the second group’s response:

“[…] when I see him in the studio, when she is onstage, when he is in his element, when she’s doing something she’s passionate about, when I see him at a party and other people are really drawn to him, when I see her hold court. Basically, when I look at my partner radiant and confident. Probably the biggest turn-on across the board. Radiant, as in self-sustaining.”

If you want to boost your attraction, feed your passion.

People naturally gravitate towards those who love what they do, as they are full of life.

Passion gives life life.

Work hard, work smart

If you are like me, you push yourself to be better every day. The idea of “1% better” is what you strive for when you go about our day. You think about your processes and try to learn new tactics to make sure you’re operating to your maximum potential.

Learn, refine, experiment, and refine again.

Improvement is a reiterative process in efforts to be more efficient and effective the next time around. Part of optimizing your tactics requires you to considering your limitations.

This can include your weaknesses, blind spots, and your basic human needs. Strategizing without factoring in these details is counterproductive.

“One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others.” – David A. Bednar

Know yourself, know your needs and weaknesses, and plan accordingly. If you do not, your needs and weaknesses will negatively impact your process in one form or another. For example, our basic human needs include sleeping, eating, and hydrating ourselves. If you decide to advance full power into your daily routines without satisfying these core needs, you will run out of steam and add detriment your body.

Work hard, but work smart.

Change begins within

Think sad thoughts and you will become sad. Think happy thoughts and you will be happy. Smile and you will feel elated. Place your hands on your hips and you will feel powerful. Repeat to yourself that you are handsome and you will soon believe it. Tell yourself that you can do anything, and your body will mobilize to make it happen.

The mind-body connection is powerful. We can fool ourselves into becoming our ideal selves by allowing our bodies or minds to take the lead. If we can harness this connection, we can achieve our ultimate desires.

Whether you begin with the mental or somatic pathway is besides the point.

The point is, change begins within.

Call your loved ones

As we grow older and more preoccupied with our own lives, it becomes more difficult to spend time with our loved ones. How paradoxical. Technology makes it easier than ever to connect with others, yet there is a disconnect in the quality of our connections.

What are the effects? We lose feelings of belongingness and forget how loved we are.

What would the world look like if every person felt loved? I’m assuming it would look like this. More kids would know that someone believe in them, making them feel more free to explore and speak their minds. More parents would be armed from a loss of purpose when their children leave the nest. More outcasts would be less inclined to perform heinous acts in search for attention. There would be more empathy, understanding, and joy; and less hate, discrimination, and injustice.

Create positive ripple effects.

Start by calling your loved ones. Text someone you haven’t spoke to in a while. Volunteer at your local community center. Smile to the strangers you walk past. Make eye contact and listen when people speak.

I myself am trying to call my parents at least once a week. How odd is it that I talk to my parents more now, after I moved out, than when we lived under the same roof. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone. The happiness they show every FaceTime makes my heart sing.

Tell people you love them. Show people why you’re grateful for them.

Doesn’t matter if you do this once a month, once a week, or every day.

Just start.